Crossing Stupid
by Dawen123
Summary: A collection of short skits for sole amusement. Every Sonic character will be represented (poorly), and will be migrating to Equestria for a better life... Those poor, innocent ponies will never stand a chance. You might be offended.


Author's notes

_Hello everyone, this is Dawen123; AKA, Harry, just wishing to leave a quick note before you read. Now, this is something that has been buzzing around my head since I began to struggle with When Chaos Stirs. All this time I've been staring at my computer screen trying to type, and I slowly began to realize how stressful it was becoming, you know; trying to get most of the typos ironed out, trying to make it somewhat easy to read, and trying to make it worthwhile for a reader to take the time out of his or her life to read the fan fiction and enjoy it… All of this while keeping it a secret with very limited battery life._

_I'm on my way to finish When Chaos Stirs, and I just realized that most of you are writing stories out of our favorite characters for fun. Now, some of you may be trying to hone your writing skills, or want to make a 'what if' scenario, or maybe some of you are writing just for attention. All of that is fine, but I realized that it's really for nothing if the author himself isn't enjoying writing those said fan fictions. What's the point of a hobby if it's more of a burden? This is why this fanfiction is created… I want to have fun! I'm going to share my fun!_

_Note that there will be no solid plot, but different scenarios that our characters will be put in. I'll start one scenario and finish it with two blue lines; one blue line will be a scene a part of that scenario. It'll be somewhat consistent… It'll be a little confusion at first, but you'll get the hang of it. They'll be hit and misses, so stick with it._

_Now, I haven't forgotten When Chaos Stirs. I'm dead set on finishing it. Just because I'm doing a side-project doesn't mean I'm abandoning my baby! It's going to get done, believe me._

_Without further ado, let's have some fun… God, forgive me for what I'm about to write._

* * *

><p>Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy were sitting around a small table inside of a run-down apartment. The wooden walls were punctured with holes while a mysterious liquid slid down from the cracks of the ceiling. Their heads hanged low, with long frowns crested across their faces.<p>

"…I miss Eggman," Amy quietly said.

The other three slowly looked to her with understanding, then hanged their heads back down in despair. A long period of silence fell on the four, until Tails took in a deep breath and spoke.

"He was a very disturbed, violent, and vicious man, but we never knew how much of a role he played in our lives… Until it was too late."

Another period of silence ensued, reflecting on the words spoken.

"What made us do it?" Tails continued, "If he was still around, they would have a reason to pay us top dollar to keep him in check. With no world to save, who needs a hero?"

Again, they feel into silence. Their minds began to trail back to that day, that one phone call that would ruin their lives forever.

* * *

><p>A large audience stared at the master mind as he slumped in his chair while covering his face in shame. Dr. Phil stared the genius down; gently but sternly.<p>

"World peace… You think spending 40 years of your life trying to dominate the world will bring world peace? Or better yet, what makes you think that killing Sonic will give you the world? What would you do about his other friends? Especially if one of them can time travel?"

"I-I don't know," Robotnik stuttered through his gloves.

"You went far out of your way to try to kill someone who has done nothing but good to this world."

"T-t-that hedgehog hates me-"

"No he does not," Dr. Phil countered, "He and his friends called me and asked me to invite you to this show. If he hates you, then why are you here? If he hates you, then why didn't he finish you in almost every climactic battle you had with him?"

Phil heard a high pitched sob from him.

"Now I know that you're not a monster," He continued, his tone becoming softer, "You just made some very bad decisions… What I'm going to do, Mr. Robotnik, is give you professional help. The road won't be easy, but if you apply yourself through this program, I can promise you that you will become a better person."

Robotnik broke out crying to the top of his lungs. He suddenly stumbled to his feet and walked over to the doctor, giving him a firm hug and uncontrollably sob on his shoulder.

* * *

><p>"…That bastard." Amy hissed.<p>

* * *

><p>Sonic came walking back to the kitchen with the seven Chaos Emeralds cradled in his arms. Earlier, he has called Shadow, Cream, Rouge, Big, Silver, Jet, and every Sonic character I can't remember, to join them in their <em>very <em>tiny apartment. As soon as Big stepped inside, the floor creaked beneath them, but somehow held. The crowd were gathered in a rather tight circle, staring at the hedgehog as he stood in front of them.

"Alright," He called, "We got to do something about our situation here. We're broke, no job, out of cash, almost half of us in here owe back taxes… Anyone having any success?"

Everyone shared weary glances.

"Tails," Sonic shouted, "How about your small business in electronics?"

The fox frowned, "It was going good until a bunch of niggers bust in and almost popped a cap in my A**. I swear, if you don't see at least one cracker in town; you're guaranteed to get mugged."

Sonic rolled his eyes and looked to his friend slash stalker, "Amy, how's that book coming along?"

She shook her head, "I sent my work to every publishing industry I knew… They didn't care to read it."

"And you're not writing just exotic novels, right?"

"Hey, it's my specialty!" She retorted.

"If you wrote something that wasn't about school girls and tentacles, then maybe you could have sold something." Jet chuckled.

"Shut up!" She shouted, "If Fifty Shades of Grey can sell millions from a fetish, then why can't I? I'm telling you, it's going to be the next big thing!"

Sonic shook his head and turned to Shadow… That was one out of a hundred reasons he avoids her.

"What about you, Shadow?" Sonic asked, "Did you ever get a job?"

Shadow, as cold, stoned face, and serious as ever, walked towards Sonic and answered him in a gruff and deep voice.

"I've searched endlessly in hopes to obtain currency by doing something I've always dreamed of. I believe that I should get a job that I always desired to do, not do something that I don't like doing. I want to be seen, I want to be noticed, I want to expand the minds of men and women everywhere," He took in a deep breath and shook his head, "I'm sorry, Sonic; I won't do a job if it's not my dream."

Every soul in the apartment gave him a blank stare.

"Shadow," Sonic sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "For the last time, you will never be a porn star."

"Don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot do!" Shadow angrily shouted at him, "I refuse to let my destiny be dictated by my circumstances!"

Sonic shook his head, quickly changing the subject, "Okay, we tried everything we could to support ourselves in the pass months… We couldn't find a job, and we couldn't do a career. We tried setting up a drug ring, but that back fired at us."

"Remind us to never let Big snork coke again," Knuckles quietly added, "… That poor frog."

Blaze, who has stood quietly towards the back, lean towards Silver and whispered in his ear, "What happened to the frog?"

Silver answered by leaning in and whispering something in her ear that made her hair stiffen in fear while her face turns bright red. Sonic, with the seven Chaos Emeralds still in his arms, gently placed them down.

"It shouldn't have come to this, but we have no other option. If we wish to pursue a better life, we must harness the power of the Seven Chaos Emeralds to…"

Sonic paused to add a dramatic effect.

"Cross dimensions."

High-pitched violins quietly played in the background as the whole group stared at him in complete shock, except for Big; who was too retarted to comprehend how serious the situation became. Silver stepped up.

"But that's never been done. Do you know what could happen if something were to go wrong? We could rip a hole in the space-time continuum and end life as we know it."

The violins suddenly stopped. Sonic stared at him with disgust, "That is the most cliché thing I have ever heard of. I mean, common, how many cheap shows and fanfictions has used the phrase 'we could rip a hole in the space-time continuum and end life as we know it'? Be a little more original, Silver."

"Uh, we could accidently… Destroy the world?"

"No."

"We could explode into a billion pieces?"

"No."

"… We could accelerate the effects of global warming?"

Sonic gave him a critical stare for a couple of seconds. When he nodded with approval, the violins played again, "I know the risks, Silver, but desperate times calls for desperate measures-"

"Cliché!"

"Shut up!" Sonic shouted at Jet, "Now, I've been planning this since Dr. Phil invited Eggman to his network. We're going to go somewhere where there are a lot of open space, preferably with forest with a whole variety of landscape, and absolutely no humans." Sonic quickly zipped to his room and zipped back with a rolled up piece of paper in his hand, "I already have the perfect destination for all of us."

He approached a wall and dramatically slapped the poster against it, revealing it in its full glory. Everyone in the room observed it with curiosity and interest.

"Equestria?" Blaze asked.

"It's perfect," Sonic explained, "It's the right condition for all of us. I can run on the hills, Tails can be useful with his tinkering abilities, Knuckles can work, Some of you can live in a city or town and make a decent living… On top of all that, it's absolutely peaceful. We can live the rest of our lives smoothly. Any objections?"

Everyone stared at him with a little confusion, but at the end, simply shrugged their shoulders.

"I'm cool with it," Knuckles answered.

"Me too," Tails added.

Slowly, everyone started to agree.

"Ya, Ponies!" Big shouted in a deep voice, beginning to hop with excitement, "We're going to go to Ponyland! Pooooonyyyylaaaaaand! Pooooooonyyyyyylaaaaa-"

A loud crash rang as the rotting floor beneath him gave in. The group quickly gathered around the massive hole and found him lying on the floor with a bone sticking out of his leg.

"Is that a piece of ply wood sticking out of his head?" Tails asked.

Amy rolled her eyes, "He'll be fine. There's nothing there to begin with."

Silver could only stare at him in confusion as the cat dumbly smiled back at them, "So tell me… Why did SEGA make him a character again?"

* * *

><p>Everyone was outside in a circle with the emeralds lined up in the center while holding hands. It was a normal day, with the sun out with stray clouds floating in the sky.<p>

"Everyone ready?" Sonic shouted, "Remember, we all must deeply concentrate on this one location. That destination must be on our minds in order for the Emeralds to work. If one of us were to think of something different, then-"

"How do you know this?" Knuckles suddenly asked.

Sonic looked up at him with agitation, "That's what the plot wants us to do… And Knuckles, you don't poke holes in a plot."

"Why does it has to be Ponyville?" Knuckles continued, "I want to go somewhere cooler… What if I want to travel on the Planet Express with Fry and Bender? Or, crap, why can't we sail the seas with Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"The plot, Knuckles," Sonic growled, "We follow the plot."

"But Ponyville sound so boring," Knuckles whined, "Why go to a land of talking and singing ponies when we can fight gods with Kratos, or why can't we get in dog fights with tie fighters-"

"Because F*** you, that's why!" Sonic exploded in anger, "Now, everyone concentrate and think of Ponyville. If anyone were to think of anywhere else, it'll screw up the process and we'll be sent there instead," He glanced at Amy, "I swear, if I get raped by tentacles-"

"Don't worry," Amy assured him with a determined face, "I'll keep my mind pure… Can I take you to that rainbow waterfall when we get there?"

"No you may not," Sonic quickly answered, closing his eyes and thinking of that town, "Okay, this is it… Everyone, think pony!"

As they concentrated, the seven emeralds slowly began to glow. Electricity sparked everywhere and in a blink of an eye, they vanished.

* * *

><p>Sonic could see nothing but white as he disappeared. It was only for an instant, but he felt his whole body being ripped apart and being put back together again. He felt his face resting on a soft layer of grass, and as he slowly opened his eyes to have them almost blinded again by the sunlight. The stark and simple colors covered the stray trees and the open field with brilliance. It defiantly was a change from home, or what he used to call home. He stumbled to his feet as his vision began to clear. To say that the open fields of Equestria was beautiful is an unjust understatement… It was simply breath taking.<p>

He took in a deep breath of crisp, fresh air that exhilarated his lungs. A smile slowly formed on his features. He felt free, he felt like he could run through this landscape for hours. He continued to look around, looking above and awing at the painted clouds that slowly slid by. Sonic felt tears in his eyes, never before has he seen such beauty. He continued to stumble around to explore, quietly sobbing as the overwhelming beauty overtook him. He turned around to continue to explore this brilliant landscape-

And felt his heart drop as realized that he was stumbling in front of a metal gate with a massive four-story school looming over him. There was some kind of Japanese sign hanging over the gate, with stray students hanging around the school entrance. There were little girls wearing very inappropriate skirts with boys wearing uniforms.

Sonic could only stare at this school in disarray, until a text box suddenly appeared

_Your name is Akio Fukuri, age 16, in the tenth grade and make Ds and Cs on your report card. Your mother died when you were just an infant, and since then, you became a trouble maker; brushing shoulders with the law and shaming your father._

He blinked, seeing the text box suddenly disappear when it finished its line. Still confused and disorientated, he began to approach the school.

_Your father sent you to this school in hopes to reclaim the family's honor, but you didn't care about honor; you were a rebel, no one can tell you how to live your life._

"Who cares about honor? My actions should not be of anyone's concern. I am my own man, no one elses, and no one is going to change tha-"

Sonic slapped his hand against his mouth.

_What the F*** is this!?_

Just before he can collect his senses, a teenage girl popped in front of him; making him jump out of his skin… She didn't approach him, she literary appeared not two feet in front of him out of thin air. Her wide-innocent eyes were a brilliant bright red while her freakishly long red hair dangled carelessly behind her.

_Her name is Saya Koizumi, age 14, in the eighth grade and makes Bs on her report card. She's your best friend and have always been at your side since kindergarten. She's very loyal to her friends, but clumsy around strangers._

"Welcome to Academy Sunny High!" She brightly beamed, "I know things may have been rough for you, But I will always be there, Akio-san!

He didn't dare try to open his mouth again. It's like there's a cheesy, cheap dialog sliding up his throat and he has to fight with every fiber he had to keep it down.

"Why are you so quiet, Akio-san?" She asked, "Is something the matter?"

Sonic shook his head and tried to tip-toe around her; only to be blocked when she sidestepped in his way.

"Don't hide these things from me," She pouted, "I know that our little… Adventure... In bed wasn't exactly… Right for us," She began to blush, "… Is it wrong to say that I have feelings for you? Is it possible to fall in love at my age?"

Sonic was so close to vomiting.

"But whatever," She simply shrugged, "So go on; tell me your problem!"

He simply shook his head and tried again to get around her. She again intercepted.

"Don't you ignore me!" She pouted, "Don't run away from your feelings! I know you have feelings for me, Akio-san! Love can be young, too! When we shared a night together; just between the two of us, I felt this… Attachment towards you, like there's nothing that can separate us-"

Sonic slammed his two hands on his ears and screamed like a maniac as he pushed her down and sprinted towards the school building.

* * *

><p>"A dating sim," Sonic aggravatingly repeated to himself as he sat helplessly in a biology classroom, along with the rest of his friends, sorta friends, and characters that no fan remembers, "Who in their right nut would send us here?"<p>

"Wasn't me," Amy immediately answered.

"Oh, I'm _very _thankful that it wasn't you." Sonic groaned, "But who did this?"

Everyone sat in awkward silence, with some casting suspicious glances at each other. Their question is answered when a hot, male teacher passed by the entrance with a little yellow rabbit clung onto his leg.

"…Cream." Everyone answered together.

The teacher didn't even seem to notice the little bunny; he continued on his way as Cream continued to cry out for his attention.

"Notice me, Sempai! Notice me!"

* * *

><p>Spike and Twilight just came out of Sugarcube Corner and decided to have a stroll through Ponyville before going back to the library. Thanks to the efforts of the Wonderbolts, it was clear, sunny day; with flowers in full bloom with butterflies carelessly flying around them.<p>

"Sure is beautiful outside." Spike sighed.

"I know," Twilight agreed, "What a day to simply trot through Ponyville with my number one assistant."

Spike blushed, "Aw, shucks."

"I'm thinking about having a picnic with the rest of the girls," Twilight added, "What do you think?"

"I think it sounds great!" Spike almost shouted in excitement, "Uh… Will there be fish?"

"Just for you, Spike," Twilight sweetly answered him, "Just for you."

Spike did a cute little fist pump and happily smiled, jumping on Twilight's back to ride the rest of the way.

"This is literary a perfect day," Spike commented, "This is just so lovely… I mean, what could go-"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Spike suddenly found a purple hoof stuck in his mouth, followed by a very stern and serious stare by the purple mare.

"Sweet Celestia, Spike. Don't you ever think before asking questions like that?"

Spike could only muffer in confusion until Twilight removed her hoof, "About what?"

"What you were about to say!" She shouted, "Don't you know the misfortunes you could have brought upon us? Saying things like that would have ruined our day in a heartbeat!"

Spike rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "Dude; that's only some dumb superstition."

"It's called irony," She deadpanned, "Any major event that might take place will happen if someone makes a negative statement upon a current situation, or ask if more things could happen upon the same situation. Saying things like 'what could go wrong', is gua…"

Twilight silenced herself too late as a flash of light erupted behind them, followed by a small explosion that knocked the two and a few scavenging ponies off their hooves. When she and Spike recovered and turned around, they saw a whole mass of walking creatures emerge from the blinding light. There was a fox walking out of there, with two fluffy tails twirling behind him.

"Least there will be no minorities in Equestria," He sighed, "I'll be buying shoes at Nicky's and see nothing but niggers lining up. I'll be counting and be like, 'one nigger, two niggers, three niggers, four niggers, five niggers' just standing in front of me!"

The purple mare could only stare at these strange creatures as they began to pour onto the streets of Ponyville.

"Well, crap."

* * *

><p><em>Author's notes<em>

_I ain't going to say much… Start leaving favorites and follows and I'll have the next chapter posted sooner. I'll get to the ponies and more of the Sonic characters next time._

_Leave a comment, and don't be scared to leave a suggestion… I'm not saying I'll do it, but… You can leave a suggestion anyways._


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